1. Seven Hidden Harms in Performative Racial Allyship

    If you are white, it may be easy to view performative racial allyship as benign. It’s short-lived and superficial nature does not look much different from other trends – a hashtag, a retweet, a meme, a “like,” a conversation starter, a t-shirt order, or a yard sign. You might assume that, even if it is not actually helping anyone, it is “better than nothing.” As a person of color and p…Read More

  2. The Privilege of Unity

    I’ll never forget how it felt to see Vice President-elect Kamala Harris speak last night. I made my husband take a picture of me next to the TV as she gave her speech, overwhelmed by the honor of bearing witness to an historic moment – the first time a woman of Indian descent like me was voted into the second-highest office in our country. I never imagined it would happen in my lifetime. Over …Read More

  3. Why “I’m Ready to Listen” is Not the Beginning of Your Allyship

    It’s inevitable. Every time there is a major headline involving the murder of an unarmed Black person at the hands of a law enforcement officer, I see the same pattern playing out with several family members, friends, or acquaintances. I’ll make a statement (in person or on social media) about the importance of understanding a particular aspect of racism, and I’ll receive pushback about the …Read More

  4. The Single Item that Made Me Understand Racism

    It was a Band-Aid. Well, not actually a Band-Aid – just the image of a Band-Aid. So small, yet so damaging. It changed my life – the entire way I had viewed racism shifted. It was no longer individual, overt interactions. It was about the million little ways I was taught that I don’t belong. My first class addressing multicultural issues was during my doctoral program. It was a six-day cours…Read More

  5. It’s Time to Expand the Definition of “Helpers”

    After tragic events such the two mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton this past weekend (and the numerous shootings prior), many parents are seeking the right words to reassure their children that they will be safe. It can feel impossible to find these words amidst our own intense emotions, but Mr. Fred Rogers’ wise advice about noticing the “helpers” has always seemed to instill a sense of …Read More

  6. What We Ask of You

    Understand that we do not ask you to hear our voices because we are grieving. We ask you to hear our voices because we are exhausted from grieving. Biologicals cannot fathom the experiences of adoptees – the depth of our losses, the ways these losses permeate every part of our being, every experience, every decision. Even we do not always comprehend how ingrained these losses are within us, but …Read More

  8. The Most Empowering Book I’ve Ever Read to My Child

    So, you know how most children’s books have that “happily-ever-after-suddenly-everyone-is-best-friends-even-though-the-entire-book-was-about-someone-treating-someone-else-like-crap” kind of vibe? I’ve never been a fan. Sure, I’m all for books with happy endings. But I don’t think happy endings have to mean everyone gets along. In fact, for kids of color and many other types of minoriti…Read More

  9. The Bedtime Narrative for Kids Who Struggle with Sleep Anxiety

    The Bedtime Narrative for Kids Who Struggle with Sleep Anxiety I’ve recently had a number of requests for support from parents who are struggling with their child’s sleep anxiety. It’s an all-too-familiar scenario: “They refuse to let me leave the room, I have to lie in bed with them until they finally fall asleep.” “They wake up constantly during the night and I have to be right next …Read More

  10. A Letter to My Adopted Child’s Teacher

    The beginning of the school year is here! How will you help your child's teacher understand the best ways to be sensitive to the needs of your adoptive child? Consider writing the teacher an email  that describes some of the general experiences of adoptees, as well as the specific strategies they can use to support your child. Feel free to copy and revise the example letter below: "Dear ___, I ho…Read More